<begin delusions of grandeur rant>

<begin delusions of grandeur rant>

 some of my friends that have known me for a long time, they might call me “creative, artistic, whatever” …. I use to go sking/snowboarding every year since i was three. . I use to work on the computer non stop creating designs for god knows what, whether it be skis, t shirts, my own amusement and ego. Since 6th grade, i always had a personal project i was working on, whether consistently or constantly, there was always something i was creating tinkering experimenting with, eventually it turned into a full time job with Moment and Sentury. Snowboarding and creating things are the two things that have kept me on the brink of sanity since highschool.   I left my high-school dream job, my best friends, family and all I knew to go school. to chase my photography dream. At school I was shooting photos constantly and always conceptualizing and putting my mind to work to express the visuals in my head even if they were merely my own and others found them to be….. obnoxious. …..  Since School i have moved to new york, a dream i’ve had since childhood from listening to the many stories my dad would tell me about him and his arts and galleries, and the many trips we made while growing up to this big city during the summers. I am doing nothing here but chasing my dream. Doing exactly what i’m need to be doing to get to be where I want to be. and yet. I have not ridden my snowboard in two years. In one week from now will mark a year since I have “created” a single thing. conceptualized and executed directly from my own thoughts and ides. Since I can really own something and call it my own. I have not made, or created, or exercised that part of my brain in a full year. This is all I have thought about this weekend and it will continue to rattle around until I find the means to resolve this.  It’s keeping me from being productive. and it’s making me restless. When i get like this. normally my best work follows. But for some reason this time doesn’t feel the same.  I’m burning the candle at both ends runnin as fast as I fuckin can while blindfolded… and hoping that sacrificing a social life, and choosing to turn a cold shoulder to my friends and family to learn and practice my craft will pay off and be worth it so I can pay it all back to those who stuck by my side through this journey. The odds are a thousand to one. I demand myself to beat them. I work myself like a slave, so one day i’ll eat like a king. This is the first time in my life I’m fully and completely challenging myself. The pressures rising and every day I’m trying to rise with it, and every day I’m slippin. 

Fuckin A Dad. I wish you told how foolish I was to think I could jump in the deep end and swim with the big kids. But I’m glad you didn’t.